Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
