Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
