You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
