1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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