Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
