i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
