Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
