I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
