Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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