I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
