Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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