Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
