Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
