Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
