there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
3pm strippers are depressing
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
