don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
