Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
