she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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