ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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