I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
