so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
