he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
