Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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