ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
