First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
