So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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