Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
