You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
