i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
