Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
