too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
