he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
