i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
