he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
