My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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