i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i black out too much to be "responsible"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
