I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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