Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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