MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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