His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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