You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
