sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
