Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
