I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
