How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
