Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
