he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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