when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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