I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
