u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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