drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
