it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
