She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
