4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
