Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
