so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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