I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
