she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
